The One & Only
My name's Jessica, though most people just call me Jess, a select few call me Jessa, and Kyle calls me Jessabug. You, however, may call me Awesome. Yes, with a capital A. No tiny, inconsequential lowercase letters here.
Not a chance.
No, siree.
I inhale oxygen and exhale wittiness. I like long walks on the beach driving the wrong way down a one-way street, and this is, inevitably, my profile.
I'm 19. No, you haven't seen me in the Girls Gone Wild commercial. That's my promiscuous twin sister, I promise.
Though I was born and raised in Philadelphia, I currently reside in central Pennsylvania with the love of my life and my tiny dog.
I'm slightly egotistical, quite self-indulgent, far more clever than your average Joe Jessa, and can generally be found bathing in a baby pool chock-full of gelatinized wit.
I'm an introvert. Not to be confused with a hermit that smokes a lot of weed. No way. Never.
I enjoy sarcasm. Sardonic people intrigue me. It's the cynicism. I'm drawn to satire, and to bitter, distasteful people that have a story to tell. However, I find most people to be intolerable, so, if I were you, I'd not bet on being the exception.

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Allies
Kyle
Jessy
Shib
Ben
Natalie Claire
Joshy
David
Brianna
'Liez
Jon
Sir Pieper

Brilliance
I used to believe I had hobbies, but then I realized my favorite things in the world to do are simple, such as staking out areas of my apartment and having BB gun fights, doing Dextromethorphan Hydrobromide, hanging out at Sheetz, singing my heart out, and sharing a shower with my lover. Am I insane? It's probable. But you love it.

Other things I adore: Rain, sleeping, spooning, tiny animals, literary expression, solitude, swimming, marijuana, aimlessly driving, chain-smoking, soy-based candles, christmas lights, makeup, hoodies (mild obsession), most CNS depressants, literacy, comedy (Demetri Martin, Mitch Hedberg, Nick Swardson, George Carlin), wit, and playing guitar.

Banes
Mendacity, immaturity, large crowds, heartache, whiny people, hip-hop, country music, most rap music, pedobears, sleep-deprivation, low-quality webcam photos, mathematics, existential angst, sleeping alone, abbreviation of words that really shouldn't be abbreviated, or substitution of numbers for words (lyk, myn, u, 4, 2, y, et cetera), tryhards, the colors brown and orange, frivolous usage of the words "I love you", chocolate ice cream, when people type LiKe ThIs, lyk dis, or LIKE THIS, bigotry, most CNS stimulants, illiteracy, animal cruelty, attention-seeking self-mutilation, hypocrisy, and peverts.

Auditory Stim.
TOOL
mewithoutYou
Deftones
Velvet Acid Christ
Portishead
A Perfect Circle
Gorillaz
Jealousy Curve
Björk
Nirvana
Aphex Twin
Holly Brook
Fiona Apple