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Hey. I'm Raza, and you are reading my profile. I have tried to make it an interesting read, much like I try to be an interesting person – the kind I'd want to play if reality where a story with no purpose but our entertainment. Because isn't it, in the end?
As the protagonist of the story of my life, I'm always looking for character development and opportunities to leave my mark on the world. I love learning new skills, solving problems and building on myself and my environment, aspiring to excellence in everything I do in hope of infecting the world with my deviant tastes and ideals. I do sometimes think a bit more adventure would be welcome – total collapse of society, that sort of thing, and wasn't it time for a change anyway? - but if I'm honest I imagine that's for me to seek out, if I dare. In the meantime, here's some of what I am about, today.
Mentally, I am a rather structured person. Rationality and logic come naturally to me, and provide the best tools one could hope for in the pursuit of self-improvement. I believe that everything is reducible to it's underlying mechanics; that after adequately answering the 'how?' (a much more interesting question than the clichéd old 'why?') solutions to any obstacle will present themselves. Since every challenge in an individual's life must necessarily be approached through their own person and perspective, psychological self-knowledge is as useful as insight comes, and I analyze myself before most else. Alongside the miscellaneous traits adding up to my personality ("positive yet critical, confident but introverted", all that stuff), I enjoy the pervasive mental disorder of high-functioning autism. For better or worse, this renders me oblivious to many undercurrents of social contact, blocking off channels of emotional feedback that provide neurotypical people with (mostly) healthy impulses, but which also invisibly and automatically influence their thinking. This leaves me resistant to the pull of culture that shapes much of human perspective, and allows me to comfortably take ideas to logical conclusions well outside the spectrum of the socially permissible - an ability I abuse for everything it's worth by challenging humanity's hidden assumptions and living my life uncompromisingly by reinvented standards.
Aesthetics are very important to me. Beauty – the enjoyable sensation of rightness between elements in your perception – is a fundamental psychological mechanism that allows us to enjoy anything from the color and composition of a photograph to the unifying elegance of a philosophy; from the sensory assaults of a thunderstorm to the narrative of our own lives. I stop to appreciate beautiful things whenever I can, and try to create them both for my own immediate enjoyment and as a means of delivering the changes I'd like to see in the world. My tastes in art reflect my beliefs in their departure from humanity: I love all that is morbid, desolate or alien, and delight more than anything in things which are really too fantastic for our world, but play into our fears by showcasing its shortcomings with their conception.
My girlfriend Izta and I craft or modify all our own clothing, and shoot the photos of one another that are what bring most of you to my profile. Personal style is a wonderfully practical mode of expression, in that the product of it accompanies and represents you in everything you do - but while I cherish mine and spend a lot of time on it, I view it mostly as a pretty frame for my actions and personality. Photography is a cool side outlet, but I make my gear to live in it; to enhance my impact while engaging in favorite activities like partying, debating and spinning my poi.
Pleasure is the final objective. Beauty and self-improvement are approaches to this goal, adopted because they work for me, but I won't reject a good time in any form it takes.
I'm rather fond of taking drugs, but do so discriminately: I familiarize myself with their mechanisms of action, use them selectively to enhance activities that suit them rather than merely to depart sobriety, and take care to keep my perspectives throughout the various mental states they induce compatible with those I keep in any other mood. Understanding their risks and drawbacks in detail, I find it difficult to take people who object to all mind-altering substances under a single generalized label very seriously – there's entirely too many different drugs out there, doing entirely too many different things to make such sweeping statements.
Sex is an almost sacred ideal to me - partially because I feel the need to defend it from all the undeserved negativity it receives - and I do what I can to make it the most enjoyable experience it can be for myself and my lovers, or anyone whose sexual experience I affect. Exploring all the pleasures that sex has to offer in a culture that discourages and often punishes straying from the straight-and-narrow seems to me a noble psychological frontiersmanship, the dedicated pursuit of which I admire greatly.
Socially, I try to be helpful and hopefully enjoyable company to people who interest me, and at least tolerant of those who don't. The bad habit of pointing out errors while neglecting to show approval is one that I'm gradually unlearning, and I try to compensate for an absence of conventional empathy by putting more effort into understanding people's perspectives psychologically. I like to see people live satisfying lives that actualize their full potential, and much prefer coöperation to competition. Good things stand in their own right where rankings introduce a needless element of negativity, and people are much more fun when they are happy, so why ever try to bring anyone down? This attitude carries to my love life, where I prefer to be non-monogamous - to me, love does not detract from love, and the more we all share of it the better.
My dislike of cultural prejudice and competition continues into the realm of the political, where I stand opposed to capitalism and categorism, privilege and hierarchy in all of their forms. Holding that 'the system' consists not of the people currently at its 'top' but rather of the social mechanisms that produce its repeating patterns from the behaviour of individuals, I try to avoid participating in the common economics of money, power and behavioural control at all when feasible, and seek out alternative approaches as much as divergent goals.
A lack of conversational spontaneity is by far my autism's most significant drawback (and I apologize in advance to anyone to whom I seem unresponsive), but with the notable exception of this profile carries the benefit of sparing everybody those tedious, self-obsessed rants which people as vain as myself so often fall into. I congratulate you on sitting through this one, and if you have any curiosity left, encourage you to check out my blog.
Thanks for reading. =)