I have wasted so much time.
I wished on every star, and prayed to every god and dreamed of things being better...
And now that I'm left with my silence, and no response, I better fucking do it myself.
I sold my soul for this, I might as well make the best of it, n'est pas?
With age comes beauty, and such sinister power...
I am proud to embody such.

I am amidst a strange awakening behind my eyes.
I realise that noone is what I expect them to be.
Noone lives up to their potential, and they seem to resent even the slightest suggestion of that.
I have been accused of being an attention whore, or being needy because I respond to being ignored with negativity.
It's disappointment and nothing else.
I always expect better...
I always expect people to think clearer or try to understand.
But we're far too busy with ourselves.
We all try to find whats important in life, to some people the goal may be happiness, to some success or to others it may be beauty.
Me? I guess I forgot to make goals while I was 'growing up' as they call it.
I was too busy observing people and trying to figure out what seperates us all...
Obsessed with the oximoron of "a million lonely people".
I always thought YOU were important in my life...
(My only passion in life is music. I need it to live. I am a writer, but I am not passionate about writing. I am an artist but I'm too much of a cynic to pay attention to that. Music is the only thing that can give me chills, the only thing that can grab my attention from anything and hold it in that perfect beautiful moment. Music is the only thing that can fix me when I'm broken, break me when I'm fixed, remind me when I've forgotten, distract me when I'm too far in, wake me when I'm tired, relax me when I'm too alive or do whatever needs to be done. Music is the one thing I can never truly express, the one thing that puts me almost at a loss for words, nothing I can say will ever measure up.)
I have very little to show for my life, and even to this day I have no direction in life.
I dropped out of highschool to learn.
I dropped out of artschool because I felt they not only lacked anything to teach me, but any perspective on art or creation at all.
I dropped out of English because I felt they were lost in technicalities and would never discover the truth.
I had a son because he felt like he would be beautiful and strong, and he is.
He is my daily saving grace. And my daily dose of destruction.
I claim all the responsibility because noone else will.
I create myself every day in the image ov my ideal.
I also slowly lose the energy to give a damn about anything other than myself.
I watch as the whole world takes two steps forward and ten steps back...
Degression of the masses.
I watch how celebrities run our lives and tell us what to be, or what to rebel against.
Everybody hiding behind masks.
From here everything looks like brainwashing.
From here, I'm losing the will to fight anymore.
Lessons in futility, and learning the meaning of 'lost cause'.
Every day my heart is a little more broken from what I see and feel.
I loathe the memory of being told not to let it get to me. What a joke.
People preach ignorance in the name of happiness but that only fuels the problems and isolates us all.
I would rather be unhappy and aware than blissfully in denial.
People say nothing is original anymore, but I think that's a crock of shit and a demonstration in laziness.
Each of us are original, if we can actually open our eyes and think for ourselves as individuals...
Every human being and/or life form is original in itself.
From there it's a matter of self-discovery and who your friends are.
Inspiration is wonderful, directly taking an idea and calling it your own is quite the opposite.
Everyone wants to be someone else now, so we live in a world of isolated copy cats. Runway fashion show lives.
I fill a thousand pages, use up a thousand pens and burn my eyes out writing in the dark... For what?
Why should I give a fuck about you anymore?
I have given everyone in the world my love* but most of the time it's received with manipulation or stupid fucking mind games.
I still get called a bitch or a slut.
All the love I send out is returned to me in hate-filled insult.
I evolve only to have it all copied everywhere I look, my ideas and creations ripped from me...
Even my words called brilliant when copied and pasted into others' lives.
My face is called beautiful when worn on someone else...
This is not why I share myself.
I love because I think you're worth it.
I try to help because I know what it's like to be lost.
I share my words with you because I think the world needs understanding and communication.
I cry because I don't know what else to do.
This is my world, it was beautiful at one point and I tried to share that, stupid me for thinking you would give a shit.
Maybe I'm selfish to think anyone out there will ever feel real.
(*I am eternally greatful for the kindness I have received in my life, I count every one of you who have blessed me with yourselves.
I miss everyone I have lost, and cherish everyone I have left.)

If you're trying to get ahold of me, I can be emailed at Lenorefff@hotmail.com
(msn as well)
Or contacted on my cell: 519-494-9762 anytime.
Just let me know who you are cause I seem to have a bad memory for people and that kinda shit.
♥AISHITERU♥
My Husband, Jesse

cell phone ringtones

As for all of you asking what my tattoos say... I figured I'd just put it on here cause it's irritating to type out a million times.
All the words other than my forearms are quotes from Cradle of Filth lyrics
(no I'm not a fanatic, they're a tribute to my late best friend)
The two on my upper arms say:
"These are the shores whereto my soul, blood drenched and unredeemed, shalt seek solace in secrets told through the whispers of a dream..." (right arm)
"Great gloomy mirror tell her face she will outbind them all, that heavenly bodies would fall from grace to posess such a lustrous pall..." (left arm)

And the ones on my legs say:
"The moon, she hangs like a cruel portrait, soft winds whisper the bidding of trees. As this tragedy starts with a shattered glass heart, and the midnightmare trampling of dreams but on, no tears please. Fear and pain may accompany death, but it is desire that shepherds it's certainty as we shall see..." (left leg)
"I love the night, it would murder my soul should I ever fall blind."
"For though thy flesh haunts, I keep also in mind the stampede of clouds from dusk's predatory sky..." (right leg)

The ones on my forearms are two pieces of a split up quote from the band Cold's song Bleed, it says:
(right arm) "My love is music..."
(left arm) "...I will marry melody."

Likes:

There seem to be a lot of people out there pretending to be me. I am Lenorefff, Lenoreiii, Katzschen999 or Blame01... I have a Deviant Art page if you wanna check out more photos and such Also, I have a Livejournal ...And I'm on MySpace ...And I'm on BME Anyone else is a fake. Thanks to the people that send me links of people ripping off my stuff... It happens too often and I always appreciate getting to call them on it. And thanks to the wonderful VF admins for deleting said thieves/fakes quickly... You make me very happy.

Morgana_ not only stole my pictures, but pictures of my son as well. htmlcoder was stupid enough to use my icon picture as their default. PoisonInMyCoffee was using my pictures as well as my description, likes/dislikes and music. OnlyOurPainIsReal has my pictures hidden away in their gallery... ZombiePorn pretended to be friends with me for months while creating fake profiles (see ZZZzzzZZZ) to report to me. Blame01 (sound familiar?) was using my writing.. xishx copied the main text from my profile and even quotes my dislike of people stealing my stuff. Funny.

Favorite Music:

LOVES: music, writing, expression, tattoos, piercings, mods, fashion, style, makeup, diversity... Dislikes: DOESN'T APPRECIATE: ignorance, stereotypes, labels, lies, manipulation, dishonesty, lazy minds, confrontation, closed-minded people, obnoxious attitudes, childish behaviour, passive-aggression, wasted talents...

LISTENS TO: Alice Cooper, Pantera, Amy Winehouse, Arch Enemy, Behemoth, Amon Amarth, My Dying Bride, Isis, Feist, Atari Teenage Riot, Merciful Fate, Leather Strip, Children Of Bodom, Ater Draconis, London After Midnight, Bauhaus, VNV Nation, Wumpscut, Bjork, Life Of Agony, Devildriver, Apoptygma Berserk, Howdareyou, And One, Opeth, Jack Off Jill, Nick Cave, Psychotica, Alice In Chains, Funker Vogt, Jethro Tull, Pearl Jam, Velvet Acid Christ, Diabolical Masquerade, Covenant, Type O Negative, Bif Naked, Cradle Of Filth, King Diamond, Leonard Cohen, Lords Of Acid, Nirvana, Deadboy, Mindless Self Indulgence, Portishead, Lamb, Wolfsheim, Rob Zombie, Malice Mizer, Oomph!, Tool, Prodigy, E Nomine, Acid Bath, Blutengel, Hocico... and lots more.

FOR THE RECORD: My shitlist consists of: 1) People that have used my pictures, my words, or my ideas. 2) People that downrate me out of jealous spite. 3) ...And people that fake being either my friends or celebrities

Homepage: http://www.livejournal.com/~blame01
Link 1: http://www.myspace.com/Lenorefff
Link 2: http://iam.bmezine.com/?Lenorefff
Link 3: http://katzschen999.deviantart.com/

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