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Latest Journal Entry:No Subject January 20, 2013, 07:28pm
❤Clarissa Doll❤ on VF - Netherlands For dead cute kids ages 18 & up. Accessories included.
[14/1/2013] There used to be a big box of text here, where I told you all about myself and things. That was my old life.[that seems centuries away now. Who was I again?] When I felt okey I guess... Never happy, but nicely oblivious and naive. Still, I wouldnt want to go back to being that person. I wish to go forward from here. But I dont know how without him holding my hand. He changed my life completely & I dont know where to go from here. No one reads this anyway. Everyone goes straight to the pictures To see if my face matches their wishes and what sexy clothing im wearing, preferably with my boobs showing. Atleast I was never that kind of girl.
Long story short, I am not the person I want to be. I dont live the life I want to live and I doubt I ever will. Im neither with the person I love, and I dont think I will ever see him again. I could have had that wonderful life but I fucked up. Now Im still here. everyday, being punished for it. Life is hard and it goes on. I dont believe in love, I dont believe in lasting relationships. I wish I did. But who is kidding who in this world? Are we going to be together forever and ever? that would be one hell of a boring experience for you, everyday the same thing. You wont hold out. No, ive learned. I would rather not be part of the endless cycle of love and breakups. I am going to live this life alone. Because I choose to. I really doubt there is something I want that you could offer me.
I went trough something called *enlightenment* or *awakening* This might sound crazy. It is. It has something to do with Soul and how you view the world. Nice gift from the love of my life. Yet I have no idea what to do with it. It ends up making you feel more misreble about things then you already are. So keep those eyes closed, like everyone else and live your happy shiny life. My life is fucked up and empty. Its a reflection of myself on the inside, so best stay away. Call me sad, or bitterd or whatever you wish. Its true. Thank you.
“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A soul mate’s purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life…”
Voices howl like some terrible beast across the static water Together we held our breath Our hearts beating pneumatic rhythms And our throats vanquishing in numbness from our [inaudible] Reminding us that not faith, nor hope, nor angels from on high, but rather love Love will save our souls - Deus ex machina
Angelic Pretty, Moi Meme Moite, Lizz Lisa, crazy hair colours! Make-up, all things extravagant, fashion, Furr [Faux & Real]. Obsesses over Bratz dolls, Skydancers, Blythe & Bjd's. [Proud doll collector] Japanese magazines, nail art and fake hair & lashes..