I am a cyber hermit -- I dwell in the shadows and embrace the chaos that fills in the voids. UPDATE: READ IT PLEASE: NAME: Darth Kauloz [unless you're a friend, you can call me "Al" or "Huckleberry"] AGE: 3725 LOCATION: Planet Pain CAREER: Sith Lord & Asst. Manager at the Scotchman on Delta-9 STAR SIGN: Sirius B ABOUT ME: I consider myself a master of the Sith Arts and rule all things Random. I have also mastered Slack. I am attracted to all things dark and mildly evil. I am skilled in pushing other people's buttons. I also have the gift of turning people off and making those in my immediate area uncomfortable. I tend to be stubborn and pour bar-b-que on people's cds and dvds. In the past I would live for making people puke. I have long abandoned that and aim to make random strangers cry. I do believe I was born to consume vast quantities of Kool-Aid and s'mores. I also enjoy cheesesteaks and sausage biscuits. If I am to help people, as some suggest I do, I either want something in return or aid them in their suicide attempts. However, I will not provide poisoned IV dips. I save that for rescued animals. Regardless of whether you think this profile is funny, silly or plain immature, to quote Rev. Bob Dobbs: "Fuck'em if they can't take a joke!" So, if you can't take a joke, you know what to do. :D I see life as one big joke. For example, I knew a man that was a retired army colonel. He jogged 3 miles everyday, watched what he ate and was fit as a fiddle. However, when he went for a check up and some tests done, found out he had prostate cancer! Here was a man who was a "lifer" in the army and was a health nut and still got cancer! I find that funny! I love the irony. Don't get me wrong, I felt bad for him. But it goes to show you there is humor everywhere, if you look in the right spot. I suppose you might say, "Hey, DK, why hide behind a mask?" And I say, "Why the hell not?" I will only let you see what I want you to see, just like you or anyone else. We all are hiding something. I rather people judge me by my content rather than what I look like. I do not have anything to offer. I have no money or a big, fancy house. Yes, I am attracted to women, but I am not looking, which is why I have "not looking"; I have nothing to offer. There's something honest from me. No games or jokes on this. I gave you all a freebee! I am poor as a church mouse! So, you if you ladies out there are looking for a man with a steady source of income or a man of means, keep moving on. MEANWHILE... MOST KNOWLEDGEABLE OF: Infecting metaphysical injuries on others, unicorn breeding, rum & cola, dysfunctional relationships, how Dr. Phil makes a good cup of coffee, Jim Jones & his fantastic Jonestown, the Zodiac Killer (we play tennis every Saturday), beef, fried foods (except for coconut shrimp), warlords from the Classical Period, predators from the Jurasic Era, zombies, clubs werewolves frequent, smashing fingers with a mallet, your mama MY FAVORITE TOPIC TO HELP WITH: I enjoy helping people who were victims of the Hokey Pokey, anyone who had the heebie-jeebies, people with bad teeth or no teeth, gynecologists with cold fingers, surgeons with Parkinson's Disease or Tourette's Syndrome, nose pickers and people who eat boogers, those sexually obsessed with their cousins or closest of kin, anyone who is/was married to a hillbilly, billygoats, raccoon invasions I WOULD DESCRIBE MYSELF AS: Repulsive and nasty. Yes, those are my good qualities. Have a nice, warm, fuzzy day, you sack of pus! :p

Darkness, pitch black quiet nights, people of like mind, the sound of rain, the look of wet asphalt under street lights at night

Daylight, whiners, weak-minded people, limits

Many kinds