..
My Name is Kayla

I don't make sense.
What else do you need to know?
Music owns me. Not random, just a lot of thoughts that go alot of places; except my short term memory. They might be right; violence isn't the answer, its the solution. I'm misanthropic, but peace would save the world. I just tend to be an eclectic person; accept it. I do things my way [what can I say?] I mean what do you say to another person? We're all living to die. Or maybe some are just dying to live; we have a name for that [and you say you're a mirage but you think you're real? I guess I can't work with what I can't do; The Sky is the Limit] Anyways I tend to be a quiet person, tho occasionally I get hyper and say some very strange things; depending on interpretation lol. I read. I don't hear well. I pretty much fly solo. I'm not always okay, but I laugh. A lot. I don't pay attention so don't take offense at how distant I can seem. I'm restless. Don't mistake me in a good mood for arrogance. If the only way you know how to talk to me is to fuck with me, don't bother. I'm not here to make an impression on your day, I don't care if I disappoint. Expectations only get you so far. Assumptions get you nowhere. Remember that you don't know me. And you don't want to.






[its not always cold here]
[who are you when no one's there?]







Savvy?

I Like....

-Music (kind of a duh): Which leads to my love of Concerts
-Swirlys (Spirals)
-Barcodes
-Variety
-Question Marks
-Mushroooms
-Dead Baby jokes
-Scribblys
-Full Moon
-That Rain flavored Element Drink
-Kiwis
-Fall
-Friday the 13th (The day, not movie)
-Daydreaming [I wish I spent most of the time that I spend thinking; thinking about something useful instead of getting caught up on something rhetorical and useless. But that doesn't stop any of my thoughts from happening; it just drives me crazy]
-Bookstores
-What some people look like on the inside (emotionally, mostly)
-Serial Killers, etc
-Shit makes me think
-Culture
-Reading
-Writing
-Art
-Creativity & Originality
-Confidence
-Psychology (not to be a shrink, just how our minds work is interesting)
-Biochemistry
-Philosophy
-H.R. Giger
-Luis Royo
-Anything by Jhonen Vasquez (Invader Zim and JTHM)

Quotes and all the bullshit etc

Note: Got some quotes from poems, random sites and signatures, some in books I have read, some from friends, television shows. Songs. Didn't just make a collection scrolly box thing for the pretty factor. Some new quotes, rants at the bottom.


Every Saint has a past and every sinner, a future.

"I used to get high on life until I realized life was cut with morons"

We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment, that we're not alone. Orson Welles

The bond that links your true family is not one of blood but of respect and joy in each others life. Rarely do members of the same family grow up under the same roof. - Richard Bach- Illusions

We can never solve our significant problems from the same level of thinking we were at when we created the problems - Einstein

"How a person does one thing...is how a person does everything"

The only things that matter to us most do we keep secret. Sometimes those secrets kill us.

I once read that the only philosophical question that matters, is whether or not to commit suicide... I guess that makes me a philosopher.

"If you try and chase two rabbits you end up losing them both"

"A little poison now and then; that maketh pleasant dreams. And much poison at last for a pleasant death"-Nietzsche

She was the world in a grain of sand
Seemed so mad she couldn't understand
Why are you stuck in this cycle girl?
Are they really staring at you, another face in the world?

Excuse me! Everyone I have a brief announcement to make. Jesus was black, Ronald Reagan was the devil, and the government is lying about 9/11. Thank you for your time and goodnight.

"I love mankind, it's people I can't stand."

It is true we love life, not because we are wont to live, but because we are wont to love.
There is always some madness in love. But there is also some method in madness- Nietzsche

"If you cant be with the one you love, love the one you got"

Some say there are five stages of death: Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally: acceptance

"That's the funny thing about choices. Once you make them you have to live with them."

"You can no longer sleep quietly once you've suddenly opened your eyes"

You can be a king or a street sweeper, but everybody dances with the Grim Reaper. ~Robert Alton Harris

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.
Neil Gaiman

"You want to sleep with me?"
"Did you just say what I think you said?"
"That way when I wake up in a cold sweat under the blanket hearing Kaye's screams, you can tell me it's nothing. It's just empathy."

Look down on me, you will see a fool.
Look up at me, you will see your lord.
Look straight at me, you will see yourself

Killers never hurt feelings.. (SOAD)

People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that's bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain. Jim Morrison

Life's metaphors are God's instructions

I'm afraid to be alone, I'm afraid not to be alone. I'm afraid of what I am, what I'm not, what I might become, what I might never become. I don't want to stay at my job for the rest of my life, but I'm afraid to leave. And I'm just tired, you know? I'm just so tired of being afraid.
Michelle Pfeiffer

You can just hang up if you really need to blame someone for your own life's limitations.

The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good thing for the first time- Nietzsche

Insanity, in individuals, is something rare- but in groups, parties, nations, and epochs- it is rule - Nietzsche

What is a cynic? A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing- Oscar Wilde

"You see things and you say "Why?" But I dream things that never were; and I say, "Why not?" -George Bernard Shaw

"Anybody who's great at anything, does it for their own approval not someone else's."

"So bizarre, human behavior. What you can't cut out of your mind you can always cut out of your photo album."

"Genetically we're 92.7% identical with gorillas."
"It's hard to tell where the human ends and the animal begins."

"Sometimes, the hardest thing to do is to do nothing."

"Stay curious."

"Sorry. I was thinking."
"About what it's like to be deaf?"
"About what it's like to hear."

Don't want what you can't have.
How do you know what to fight for then?
You were made the way you were supposed to
How come everything went downhill since then?

Work like you don't need the money
Love like you've never been hurt
Dance like nobodys watching

"The reasonable man adapts himself to the world, the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man." - George Bernard Shaw

Two of the gravest general dangers to survival are the desire for comfort and a passive outlook- US Army Ranger Hanbook

Beware of enterprises that require new clothes- Henry David Thoreau

If people are good only because they fear punishment-and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.

"I disapprove what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it" Francias Voltaire

Stop tolerating in your leaders what you would not tolerate in your friends

Everyone should know of all information that others have deemed unfit for public knowledge

Ideas are more powerful than guns. We would not let people have guns; why should we let them have ideas? - Joseph Stalin

About drugs/alcohol : "The prestige of government has undoubtedly been lowered considerably by the Prohibition law, for nothing is more destructive of respect for the govt and the law of the land than passing laws which cannot be enforced" - Einstein, My First Impression of the USA (1921)

Einstein quotes

"I have no special gift. I am only passionately curious."
"I want to know God's thoughts...All the rest are details."
"Joy in looking and comprehending is natures most beautiful gift."
"Its not that I'm so smart, Its just that I stay with problems longer."
"Without deep reflection one knows from daily life, that one exists for other people."
"Small is the number of them that see with their own eyes and feel with thier own hearts."
"Two things inspire me to awe- The starry heavens above and the moral universe within."
"The true value of a human being is determined primarily by the measure and the sense in which he has attained liberation from the self."


The most telling thing about anyone is what scares them.

No honor among thieves

"It's easy to wear your heart on your sleeve when you're not looking in his eyes."

And we should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once. And we should call every truth false which was not accompanied by at least one laugh. - Friedrich Nietzsche

"They say the eyes are the window to the soul."
"Yeah, my grandma used to say that all the time."
"In a way, it's true. The aqueous fluid and the vitreous in the human eye allows for an image to be reflected in it."

"Everybody thinks they have a plan till things start to go wrong."

"Let me ask you another question: When you're home alone do you lock the bathroom door?"
"I don't even know you."
"Sure you do. We all do. It's human nature to avoid being vulnerable, isn't it?"

"Now I can see what the dark looks like."
"I've been trying to do that for years."

"You never know what you need until you find it."
"Or until you lose it."



Some wisdom from - Augustus Hill [Oz]

At the end of the day, a bed is the best friend you got. Sure the mattress may be lumpy, springs may have sprung the bed, itself maybe in some seedy motel or in Oz. The bed beckons you, comforts and cradles you til you sleep. If you lucky enough to have the right person lying next to you, shit, there aint a reason you got to get outta that bed come mornin'. Good night. Sleep tight. Don't let them bed bugs bite.


Family. Our families determine who we are, determine what we're not. All of our relationships with everybody we ever meet for the rest of our lives is based on the way we relate to the members of your family. No wonder the world's so fucked up.


Drugs ain't the only things to get addicted to. Some people mainline their work, some people snort ESPN, some people skinpop gambling. There are those that shoot up junk foods, fine wines, coheeba baby, Some people get hooked on love. And like any fiend on the street, you always need another bump. Man, just one more bump.
Not all drugs are recreational. Some are benign, or supposedly benign. You take a drug, right, the chemicals they rush thru your body, rush thru your brains and the sensations. You want the sensations again and again and again but let me tell you, you can also get addicted to grief, to guilt, to hate cuz when you feel dead inside even bad sensations make you feel like your alive.
I ain't sayin drugs are good but when your past is past and your present sucks; your future holds nothin but broken promises and dead dreams, drugs, they kill the pain. Listen up America. you ain't never gonna get rid of drugs until you can cure pain.


People are always looking to get their futures told. They get their cards read, their palms read, even the bumps on their head. Well, if that card ain't credit, why read it? If that palm ain't holding something, let it go, and shit, if you've got bumps on your head big enough to read, forget about your future yo, because your problems are in the here and now. How do you figure that, huh? Having your future told by someone who ain't got one?


"The road to Hell is paved with good intentions." Now there's a mindfuck is I ever heard one. "The good side of my will is the road to damnation." Fuck? Why even try being good? And if good intentions take you to the lake of fire, where do bad intentions lead?


--- Some things aren't real til you say them out loud.

Books and Media[No order}

A few:

A Million Little Pieces [yes I know its not true but when I thought it was I liked it]
My friend Leonard [the above also by James Frey]
Long Hard Road out of Hell by Marilyn Manson.
I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream by Harlan Ellison
Behind the Paint - Violent J
Manson in his own words - Charles Manson and Nuel Emmons
That Hitler book I have
Scar Tissue - Anthony Kiedis
A Clockwork Orange - Anthony Burgess
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas - Hunter S. Thompson
I am not myself these days
Crank
The I Chong: Meditations from the Joint
The Clan of the Cavebear
Stephen King [The Stand]
Anne Rice [whenever I end up reading one of her books]
Harry Potter series
Demon in my View
Thank you for Smoking
Blood or Chocolate
Silver Kiss
Palmistry Workbook
Sleeper Cell
Eat, Love, Pray
The Dictionary continues to prove itself useful
Patricia Cornwell [such as PostMortem]
Book of Runes
-Anything by Jhonen Vasquez (Invader Zim and JTHM)
-H.R. Giger
-Luis Royo
-Pink Panther
-CSI: Las Vegas
-Southpark
-That 70's Show
-Grim adventures of Billy and Mandy
-Family Guy
-NCIS
-Buffy the Vampire Slayer
-Oz
-Angel
-Futurama
-Boondocks
-Charmed
-Law & Order: SVU
-Aqua Teen Hunger Force
-Boondock Saints
-Alien 1-5
-Little Nicky
-Snatch
-Devil's Advocate
-House of 1000 Corpses
-Silent Hill
-From Hell
-Big Money Hustlas
-Pan's Labyrinth
-Requiem for a Dream
-Ghost in the Shell
-Exorcist: The Beginning
-Pulp Fiction
-Blow
-The Devils Rejects
-Session 9

Music....
[In no particular order]

~Red Hot Chili Peppers
~Nine Inch Nails
~OTEP
~Marilyn Manson
~Murderdolls
~KoRn
~Mary Magdalan *JL
~System of a Down
~Insane Clown Posse [*MMFCL]
~Slipknot
~Nirvana
~Shinedown
~Smile Empty Soul
~Rob Zombie
~TATU
~Godsmack
~Ozzy
~Jimi Hendrix
~Metallica
~Kelly Clarkson
~The Killers
~Mudvayne
~Twiztid
~Primus
~Cradle of Filth
~Portishead
~A bit of Slayer, Hinder, Puddle of Mud, Static -x, Stone Sour, Three days grace, Michelle Branch [yeah, say something], Gorillaz, Janis Joplin, Incubus, Iggy Pop, Ray Charles, Eric Clapton, Cypress Hill, and hell, even Avril Lavigne. [disregard newest cds]
~Rebel Rebel - David Bowie
~Sex & Candy - Marcy Playground
~Black Betty by RamJam
~Sittin' at a Bar - Rehab
~Somebody to Love - Jefferson Airplane
~*Insert various songs skipped*
~Pink Panther theme [and whole version by Mancini]
~....
~Rap/ [some Lil Wayne, Eminem, w/e]