Latest Journal Entry:You guys... January 07, 2013, 11:51pm
4982 points / 503 people
I’m really good at making fun of people dancing. I invented 10 emoticons. I can walk up and down an escalator in like 2 seconds. I can fit my body into small spaces. I can tell instantly whether someone is fat or pregnant with 60% accuracy. I can quote every line from Scream 2, Romancing the Stone, Mulan, Hocus Pocus, Big Business…that’s the one with Bette Midler and Lily Tomlin. I can sneak like 3 dogs into a movie theater. I can convince my grandmother that I’m not real. I can win a staring contest with a cat. I can make any security guard suspicious of me. I can convince my mom that I’m adopted.