These words I offer not as judgement, nor as condemnation, but as compassion...~D~ Some men are happy just with going along with what is around them and what they've always been taught by people they love and hold near and dear to their hearts. They have no need to question the traditions, faith, or words of those that have influenced them as a child and have raised them on certain beliefs. But there are those men who must seek out all things beyond what they have been taught......... Life is strange and the mind wonders. Our minds are altered by the world and by outside influence. We often search and seek for answers to questions that are beyond man's ability to answer. These same questions amount to nothing. If man would stop seeking his own answers and go further than that and seek a devine answer, he would have peace. But man holds himself back from this, because he is to proud to actually think something greater than himself exists. This may cause others to laugh at him, it may dull his image in the eyes of other men. His pride is the source of his own misery. So he seeks things that try and disprove or debunk the possibility of a Devine presence. He doesn't like the fact of being anything other than what he is and what his selfishness makes him. Some will read this and deny their own feelings, for the simple fact, they can't bring themselves to believe anything else. They fear the possibility of being wrong in their own imperfect, mortal mind. They hate the fact of being humble. They pull back in attempted self-preservation and distance themselves from the source of all meaning and truth. They judge God by man's concept of him, by the behavior of certain people who claim to believe in God and will push it on you. In most cases this is what turns people away. If man would seek out his own heart with alittle passion, self-control, discipline, and honest effort, he would see so much more than what man has to offer. Instead he watches and listens to the actions and words of other imperfect beings and completely ignores Devine wisdom. Some will read this and think that I have been brainwashed. Fact is, I have studied and explored more areas of man's thinking, religion, philosophies, scientific theories than most will in a life time. I even developed my own set of beliefs. At one point I adopted Anton LaVey's Satanist philosophy as my own because it was all about "self-worship", I figured if I couldn't find truth in anything, surely I could find it in my own selfishness. I searched and seeked, but still did not find what I was looking for. I didn't find it, because I failed to look in the right place. Sure, at times I thought I had a geniune belief, but in fact lacked the self-control to confirm it, and henceforth pushed it away time and time again and sought out other paths. I suffered alot of inner-struggle and battled myself and my mind in search of a logical truth. I was a seeker of truth. It was like a constant ringing in my head. A torment I can't explain in words. I could school anyone on their own beliefs but yet had none of my own. But I believe I suffered this for a reason, I believe I had to go through this torment, so that I could help others that are in situations like this. This whole time I had been to proud to see anything else than what I wanted to, I denied myself inner-peace. Of all the things I have researched I have found peace in one, "Yeshua". My study of Yeshua here recently has opened my eyes. Sure I have studied Christianity in great depth in the past, but never had it explained or poured out to me in a way that I would have ever considered it real truth. Sometimes God will speak to you through others. Sometimes your own efforts of seeking him do not work. Sometimes God will seek you and speak to you on a personal level through someone else at a time when you are not seeking him. I didn't have to look outside myself to find it, it was here, waiting, I just lacked the trust to recieve it...I have discovered that the enemy will attack you harder after you find faith. I have felt his presence and his influence. You may think I'm insane, but until you can understand the depth of it all you will just continue to call me crazy. This torment I wouldn't wish on anyone, I wouldn't even believe it myself if I hadn't felt it. I love all of you who read this and gain something and all of you who read this and gain nothing.....~D~
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